this is just a quick PSA i guess for readers of my blog who aren't super versed in trans stuff, which probably is like 3 people at most, but i wanted to put this into words anyway so here it is. this thing is the number one mistake in "interacting with transgender people" i see get made by well-meaning cis people who are otherwise pretty good with this stuff, or at least know enough to not do anything obviously wrong. what you need to know is as follows: the longer it has been since you have heard from someone, the more likely it is that they have since changed name, gender, etc. crucially, and i think this is where people get tripped up, this especially applies to people who were (apparently) cis when you last knew them.
if you're not cognizant of this fact, the mistake you can easily make is that you'll see an old friend - who, unbeknownst to you, transitioned in the intervening year or so since your last meeting - at some social thing and, loudly enough for others to hear, say "oh, hey [deadname]! funny seeing you here, we haven't spoken in ages!", instantly creating an extraordinarily awkward situation. there is a taboo on deadnames, as i'm sure you already know: trans people generally don't like hearing them, especially if others also hear, especially if those others are friends they made after coming out who don't know what their deadname is. it's a kind of forbidden knowledge, you see. so doing this is far from ideal.
basically my advice is that if you meet someone who you know but haven't heard from in, we'll say, more than 6-12 months, especially if they are around friends you don't recognise or they seem to have dramatically changed presentation from what you last remember, you might just want to ask if they've since changed name before trying to use what you remember their name being. this will be a little awkward at minimum because it's off-script and kind of makes it seem like you forgot what their name was, but it will occasionally save you from the above described really bad faux pas so i think it's worth it. and when that does happen you get to instead have a pleasant interaction that really makes it seem like you're locked in on this stuff!
and it's a free point if you actually did forget what their name was.-*
comment from klay
oh dang thats really smart, teaching my family about this soon!